Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
