What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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