So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
