I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
