the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
