If that was your dad, he is hot
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
