Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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