just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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