apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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