Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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