the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
