what day is it and did you see me today?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
