Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I love you.
Bad choice
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
