Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize