I'm so fucking centered right now
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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