she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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