This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
