I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
