he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
