I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
