who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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