I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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