And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
