my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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