what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
