Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
They took my balls.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
