Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
