I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
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I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
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came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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