It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
