In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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