I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
