No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i need some magic done to my vagina
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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