Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize