i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
