I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
