Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
