WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
