pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
