Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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