Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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