singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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