what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
