I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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