I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
