You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
