Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I hope mine doesn't look like that
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
