her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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