Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
