Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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