I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
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I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize