Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
