Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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