you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
