is your mom at the bar?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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