trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
