Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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