i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
