I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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