U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
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I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
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Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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