so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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